---
title: the software golem
date: 2024-11-25
tags:
  - prose
  - computer
---

they said it was not worth our time to fix. the code could be obsolete any day now. better to keep it running until then. just keep fixing it until the requirements change, and then we can make a new one.

but the requirements never change all at once. it happens little by little, like rotting planks stripped from a wooden boat, replaced with fresh boards until no trace of the original remains.

and the repairs are never perfect. the new boat is not just made of new wood. it is also made of nails, and glue, and paint that doesn't quite match. the floor is not level, the walls are not watertight, the sails don't unfurl unless you climb up there and jiggle it the right way. i don't know anything about boats but you get the idea.

and the code does not exist all in one place. you cannot simply download and run it, for it relies on services, which you cannot simply simulate because they rely on the cloud; the code is like those fish that only live in one pond in a crater in the middle of nowhere; the code is so perfectly adapted to these conditions that it could not survive anywhere else, not on your machine, not on mine.

and the code does not exist entirely on computers either, because it has adapted to run in a world where admins and developers are using it, and the code relies on this input. sometimes one of us organic beings has to manually delete some bad data, or reboot a blocked process, and sometimes i watch loading bars for twenty minutes because i am waiting for the program and the program is waiting for me. it's a child, it cannot be left unattended.

so now this thing exists. it is like a machine made of scrap wood, living in an acid puddle, operated by some senior engineer with a name like 'dave', and it absolutely must be kept alive.

we can't afford to replace it. but we also can't afford *not* to replace it. so just add that idea to the 'tech debt' tracker, and in the meantime could you get it to accept data with misspelled words in it? we don't have a list of all the words to fix, just sorta look through the logs for anything that might be a mistake and patch it.

that'll buy us a few more months.
